10 ways you can tell I am a successful working woman

(you and me, Mary - two of a kind)

I've been working full time for six weeks now. Six whole weeks. Eight hours a day. In an office.

Are you impressed?

Believe me, after 10 years of working at home, six weeks of full-time work is an amazing feat. But I've got it down now. No biggie. I'm a pro.

Here's how you can tell:

1. I wake up every morning at 5:45, even without my alarm clock.

2. I can pack a lunch, put on makeup, and drive to the office all at the same time.

3. I have a briefcase.

4. Ok, a laptop bag. But it's leather.

5. Even though I never bring it to work.

6. I frequently throw my hat in the air while singing "I'm gonna make it after allllllll."

7. Of course, if you understand that, you are old like me. Which makes it even more amazing that I am working full-time, when I really should be sitting on my front porch rocking my grandbabies.

8. I sometimes wake up at night thinking about projects and deadlines.

9. I also wake up at night for absolutely no good reason.

10. I often end up quite tired at 5:45 in the morning, which became quite clear to me the other morning when I finished my shower (fortunately I was not driving at the time) and realized that I heard water running, which could have been a really bad sign of something like a leak, but turned out to be only the sink which I left running after brushing my teeth and which in about thirty seconds would have been running over onto the floor.

No worries.

I turned off the sink faucet, got dressed, went to work, brought home the bacon, and fried it up in a pan.

I am woman. Hear me snore.

~~~

Nine to Five

(subtitle: how to start a new job, suddenly become totally incompetent, and buy nothing new)



Whew. My first week at the new job is over. It will get easier from here, right? Not that it was a bad week. It just had a lot of hours in it.

Here's what I learned this week:

1. If you go to the front door, which is locked, and stand there looking like a dope for 10 minutes, the security guard will eventually come open the door for you.

2. The normal people all use the back door.

3. Even if you only live 10 minutes from your office, you do not have enough time to drive home, enjoy a leisurely lunch, put your feet up, get a little fresh air, recharge your mind, and return to work.

4. You may if you are quick like a bunny have time to drive home, frantically throw together a grilled cheese sandwich, eat it standing up, and return to work.

5. The normal people all eat at their desks.

6. If you have been doing a job for ten years, do not assume that you know how to do that job. There are helpful tools nowadays such as "project management software" that add a whole new dimension to your day, causing you to receive emails every 15 seconds which require your urgent immediate attention and prompting three or four hundred visits to your project manager's office to ask intelligent questions such as "So, is a job folder, like, an online folder, or is it actually a folder folder?"

And last but not least -

7. It is possible to go from slouchy, unkempt freelancer to stylish, snappy office worker without buying anything new. But only if you have a stylish, snappy sister who wears the same size and who is a fabulous eBay shopper and who is willing to pack up a box of cute outfits and ship them to you. Thanks Monica!!!!!

Only 477 weeks till I can retire ... but who's counting?

~~~