No offense, but y'all are very strange

(embrace your strange-ness. it's one of the things i like best about you.)

I posted a while ago about the most popular keywords that were drawing people to my little blog. Here is the link, in case you missed it.

At the time, I was a little concerned because the most popular query phrase was "all my friends hate me." Now, it may be true that your friends all hate you. But apparently, that is the least of your problems.

According to my most recent exhaustive research, which involves visiting StatCounter and clicking on "Recent Keyword Activity," readers have searched for the following phrases (my comments are in red):

Terrible Halloween costumes
I can't BELIEVE how many people have searched for this phrase! I even wrote a post about "Easy Halloween Costumes" to see if that phrase would attract some readers. But NO. Apparently you all want terrible costumes for your little kiddies. Especially one reader, who searched for -

Two headed freak costume
How disturbing is that? Never mind that my blog post actually talked about a two-headed costume! That is irrelevant. Why would someone search for that? And why oh why would someone search for this next one? -

Halloween costumes lampshade on night stand
I conducted a Visitor Analysis to try to figure this one out. The inquirer was apparently at the Toronto Public Library. Perhaps they were seeking shelter from the cold and decided to pop into the library and type some random words to see what would pop up. Eh?

Well, that one is nothing compared to what's coming. Fran, hold onto your hat. Someone is searching for you. The exact query was:

TEXAS OR NAYLOR OR GENEOLOGYT "FRAN HILL"
First of all, who is Naylor? What is geneologyt? And why did this query lead to my post on The Dale Girls Going To Ocean Beach, which as I recall had nothing to do with Fran?

Life is such a mystery sometimes.

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Why I Am Concerned About You, Dear Readers

(i LOVE stat counter!)

I use a neat little service called StatCounter. You should try it!

StatCounter lets me know how many visitors I get each day. For a while there I was very excited to see lots of hits on my blogs! But then I realized it was counting my own visits, which often total 20 or 30 a day because I love to admire my own stellar writing skills. Plus I need to check for spelling mistakes just in case Huffington Post stops by.

Anyway.

StatCounter also lets me check to see which keywords have brought people to my blogs. I am very concerned. These keywords are a little disturbing.

Here are some of the actual search terms. Honest. I am not making this up. My comments, of course, are in red.

"texas where exactly is it?"
Down here! In the middle. See that big state with all the weird politicians? That's us.

"When I squeeze my calf fat comes out."
Well what do you know? Sylvia was right after all.

"I found out all my friends hate me. What to do?"
Gee, I dunno - find some new friends, maybe? If they hate you, they are probably not your friends anyway. Helloooo ....

"HOW TO NOT CARE PEOPLE ARE WATCHING ME."
People might not watch you if you WOULD STOP YELLING AT THEM.

"Somebody is watching me find out who the hell he/she is"
Let me know when you figure it out. I certainly don't want him/her watching me.

"The CIA is watching me right now."
Me too. Gotta go.

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How to achieve SEO while you write greetings cards, debate what not to wear and get cash for clunkers

(the key to blogging success? keywords, of course)

As a blogger, it is important to understand Search Engine Optimization (SEO). This technique can help you show off for your friends by plugging a few words into google and pulling up a list of websites including - voila! - your very own blog!

I recently discovered the secrets of SEO and, being the kindly blogger that I am, I thought I would share them with you.

1. Use keywords, especially in your titles. Keywords are words or phrases that people might be searching for. The headline for this blog post is full of keywords. In fact, these are the top keywords that have been driving people to my blogs, according to StatCounter, a nifty little tool that you might want to try.

2. Use the same keywords in your post while achieving SEO and writing greeting cards. Do not worry about what to wear. Nobody can see you anyway. Cash for clunkers.

3. Mention cash for clunkers at least three times because lots of people are interested in cash for clunkers. But do not let cash for clunkers take over your computer. See this informative post for more information. Meanwhile, write greeting cards.

Ok. You probably get the idea. I have no idea how to use keywords or SEO. But I got you to read this post.

So there ya go.

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