How to write a cover letter

(writing a cover letter is a big job)

As I mention whenever I have nothing else to blog about, I often half-heartedly look for jobs when I have nothing else to do. Plus I am, whenever I do actually work, a professional writer.

Therefore, as something of an expert in the broadest possible sense of the term, I thought I would share some tips on writing cover letters.

The cover letter is without a doubt the hardest part of applying for a job. After all, writing a resume is pretty straightforward. Filling out an online application is more a matter of patience than skill. But your cover letter is your chance to shine! Or sink. One or the other.

First, let me share an actual cover letter that got me an actual job:

To Whom It May Concern: Please read my resume. I really need a job. I have been working as a church choir director for many years. A church is a wonderful place to spend a Sunday morning, but if I have to work here one more day I will shoot myself in the head. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you?

... then I went on to describe my total lack of experience, since at that point I had none, and ended with a reminder that I would be happy to consider any salary that has five figures in it, which apparently made up for my total lack of experience because, as I said, I miraculously got the job. Thank you God.

Once I got that particular job, which ended up being a freelance gig, I started sending out emails looking for more freelance gigs. These query emails are similar to cover letters, so I'll share one of them as well:

To Whom It May Concern: I am a freelance copywriter. Over the past 10 years I have written a wide variety of financial marketing pieces from my cozy home office here in Michigan. My goal is to write marketing materials from a cozy home office in a tropical location, so I thought I would see if I can drum up a little more work. Please let me know if you would be interested in seeing some writing samples.

I had quite a bit of success with this little email. Amazing, I know.

Here are the lessons that you might take away from my quirky but successful cover letter/query emails:

1. Be yourself. Let your personality come through.

2. Don't be afraid to use a little humor. I wouldn't recommend my all-out quirky approach for, say, a computer programmer. But you could add just a small touch of tasteful levity. The H.R. department will appreciate it. Really.

3. It's ok to say "To Whom It May Concern." The real experts will tell you this is a no-no. But it worked for me. So there.

4. Get some professional help if necessary. With your writing, that is. I would be happy to craft a personalized cover letter for you for, say, $250. Plus I'll polish up your resume for $500 and fill out online applications for $1,000 each. Hey, tropical home offices don't come cheap.

~~~

How To Be Creative

(my brain, which is hard to keep inside the box even if i try, which i usually don't)

I subscribe to a wonderful blog by Kate Harper, called Greeting Card Designer. Kate is a phenomenal designer, with a terrific line of cards at Target that feature quotes by children (as well as many other terrific cards that I wish I had thought of first).

Kate often posts links to other wonderful blogs. Today she sent her faithful readers to the Outlaw Design Blog, where there is an article called "10 Ways to Beat the Hell Out of Creative Block."

First of all, I love this title.

Second, there are some great recommendations here. If you are ever at a loss for blog topics, or you have another creative project to work on, these tips might help. Here are a few of the ideas, which of course are more fully explained in the article:

• Change of scenery
• Work somewhere else
• Brainstorm with others
• Go eat
• Work 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off

I have one other suggestion: Look at your creative task sideways.

This is a concept I stumbled upon quite by accident.

I am often called upon to come up with headlines for various promotional projects. A client might say, "We would like to send out a postcard to attract some new savings accounts. A new bank just opened down the street, and we want to stress the fact that we have higher rates."

At first I would just look at this straight on, which resulted in headlines like:

Bigger is better

or, if I was really short on time:

Our rates are higher

Pretty boring.

But then I learned to look at topics sideways. Why would people care that you have higher rates? Because they will make more money. Why do they care about that? Because it makes them feel smart and successful. So I might write a headline like:

XYZ Financial: Where it's easy to be a financial genius

Better!

Or I might use a cliche but suggest a "sideways" graphic:

Graphic: A picture of several people in a row, facing backwards, showing only their shoulders and heads
Headline: We're head and shoulders above the rest

I like to take a sideways approach to my blog posts as well. Rather than just telling you what my childhood piano recitals were like, I posted an "invitation" from my piano teacher. (It was pretty funny. Here it is in case you missed it.)

In fact, this post is one of the least sideways posts I've done! So you might want to stand on your head or something while you read it.

Otherwise you might not recognize me.

~~~

How To Write Greeting Cards

(hmm ... what kind of image should we use for this get-well card?
i know! children in a space ship!)

As I mentioned a few days ago, I have been trying to branch out a bit with my writing. I thought that the greeting card niche might be a good fit, since I have a knack for little catchy phrases and heartwarming sentiments.

Even more importantly, many of the greeting card companies accept unsolicited ideas. And if there's one thing I have a lot of, it's unsolicited ideas.

So - off I went to try to break into the greeting card market.

The process is really quite simple:

Step # 1: Google "greeting card submissions."

Step # 2: Make a list of the companies that accept ideas.

Step # 3: Come up with some ideas.

Step # 4: Send em off!

Obviously, Step # 3 is the hardest part. I worked for several days, and came up with three serious ideas for one company and 25 funny ideas for another. I thought the serious ideas were probably hopeless, but I always crack myself up so I had high hopes for the funny ones.

Lo and behold, two of the serious ones are now under consideration! The funny ones have been politely rejected.

Perhaps I should take a more serious tone from here on out. Perhaps I am not truly funny. My next post will be some somber reflections on life, guaranteed to make you shed a little tear. In fact, from now on I will be so serious people will mistake me for an accountant.

Or perhaps I will sit down and write 25 more funny ideas. That would be more fun! I would make a terrible accountant. My checkbook is a mess.

~~~

How To Write A Cheerful Press Release

(it's good! we're good! everything's good!)

Every so often, I am called upon to write some positive copy about a not-so-positive development. Being a perky, positive person for the most part (except when I write about politics), I kind of enjoy these challenges.

Let's say a financial institution sends a request like this:

"Need an article informing customers that we are closing all of our offices except one. That one will be open only two days a week. Hopefully we will be able to keep the electricity on. Give it a positive slant, please."

No problem! I sit down and rattle off a positive, cheery article:

As part of our constant quest for efficient, friendly service, we are excited to announce that we will soon be consolidating our office space into one convenient location. No more wondering which branch to visit! We'll be right here to serve you, on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11 to 1. And remember! Our online banking service is ALWAYS open! How great is that??

This morning I found an excellent example of this type of writing. It's a press release issued by GM, announcing some recent exciting changes. I will review a few actual, un-edited excerpts for you, explaining the basic steps of writing a press release and demonstrating the value of a good copywriter in the process.

Step 1: Write a catchy, positive headline

Note from the client: "Oh my god, we're going bankrupt."

Headline from copywriter:
GM ANNOUNCES AGREEMENT WITH U.S. TREASURY AND CANADIAN GOVERNMENTS PROVIDING FAST TRACK TO COMPETITIVE FUTURE FOR 'NEW GM'

Step 2: Write an introductory paragraph with lots of upbeat, positive words strung together in a row.

Note from the client: We are laying off thousands of people, closing plants, and scrapping entire divisions. GM as we know it is over.

Introductory paragraph from copywriter:
GM today announced that it has reached agreements ... to accelerate its reinvention and create a leaner, stronger 'New GM' positioned for a profitable, self-sustaining and competitive future.

Step 3: If you have to use a word with a negative connotation, bury it in gobbledy-gook or turn it into something positive. Or both.

Note from the client: Don't mention the "b" word.

Words used by copywriter:
New GM ... leaner ... distinct advantages ... stronger balance sheet ... significantly lower debt burden ... winning financial results ... voluntary petitions for relief ... smooth transition ... defining moment ... opportunity to reinvent our business ... court-supervised process ...

I could go on and on. This press release is full of rosy little phrases like this! I love it! Whoever wrote it is a genius! (and no, it wasn't me.) I have a new copywriting hero, whoever they are.

Great job.

And best of luck, 'New GM.' I hope the court-supervised reinvention of your leaner, stronger, more profitable company goes well.

I really do.

~~~

How to write an article in 5 minutes flat

As I've mentioned before, I write lots of newsletters. Which means I write lots of articles. I thought I would share my proven method with you, but you have to promise:

1. Not to deviate from my system.

and 2. Not to tell my clients that my job is so easy a trained monkey could do it. Though I doubt that their punctuation would be as good as mine.

Ok. If you are still reading, I will take that as agreement. So here we go.



Step one: Read the assignment carefully. Here is a creative brief from an actual client: "Need a 500 word article on back to school."

Step two: Try to figure out what the client means. In this case, the client was a financial institution. So I figured I would talk about back-to-school loans, credit cards, saving money on school supplies, that kind of thing.

Step three: Do some research. Look at the client's website for information on relevant products and services. Google "popular school supplies" and discover that there is a new iPod Shuffle that all the kids are talking about. Go to the iPod website for pricing information, download 25 free apps for your iPhone, spend 6 hours playing Super Monkey Ball, and call it a night.

Step four: Wait until 5 minutes before the article is due. Then sit down with your laptop and follow my method.

30 seconds - Write a headline.
30 seconds - Write some subheads to organize your information.
3 1/2 minutes - Pretend you are the world's leading expert on "back to school." Write off the top of your head, as if you were telling a friend how the wonderful products and services at XYZ Financial can help them save time and money. Wrap it up at the end with a simple call to action.
30 seconds - Proofread.

Now for the fun part. Send your first draft to the client and watch the accolades pour in:

"Sorry. We have changed our minds. Please send 500 word article on auto loans."

30 seconds - Stare at computer screen.
30 seconds - Bang head against wall.
3 1/2 minutes - Count to ten until breathing becomes slow and regular.
30 seconds - Rummage in pantry for Little Debbie Zebra Cakes.

Go back to Step 1 and become the world's leading expert on auto loans.

Anybody know of a trained monkey I could borrow?

~~~

How to overcome writer's block

You know the feeling. You stare at that blank computer screen with a totally blank mind, typing lame attempts at some kind of sentence -

... The night was (erase, erase, erase)

... The other day I (erase, erase, erase, erase)

... This is so retarded I have no idea what I'm doing why did I think I could be a writer I wonder if Sonic is hiring come to think of it I'm starving I think I'll go get some tater tots (drive to Sonic and forget all about lame attempts at writing)

I have two projects on my desk right now that have Writer's Block written all over them. In fact, they should have come with warning labels -

"WARNING: Do not attempt to actually write these projects or your brain will instantly freeze."

My clients expect them back tomorrow so I suppose I really should have a look. groan.

Project number one is a newsletter. Now, I write newsletters all the time. Should be a breeze, right? Wrong. This one is for a client who once complained that my newsletters are boring. Sure, that was only one time out of literally thousands of complaint-free newsletters over the years. But for my perfectionist brain, it's the only one that counts. Now, every time I start to write his newsletter I think "Don't be boring! Don't be boring!" and suddenly I find that I am so boring my articles make people roll their eyes and become semi comatose and wish Al Gore would get up and give a four hour Death By Powerpoint speech.

Project number two is a series of ads. There will be four ads. Here is the extensive and obviously well-thought-out creative brief the client sent:

Mortgage
Investments
Security
Auto Loan
Graphics will be based on the eye catching and quirky qualities of the copy.

Let me walk you through the creative process, here. I will explain the do's and don'ts of Writer's Block as I go.

1. Do - study the creative brief. If you are lucky there will be some helpful information in there. If you are me, it will have 18 unhelpful words.

2. Don't - be discouraged if the creative brief is only 18 words long. Remember, you are a writer. You can do this.

3. Do - go do something else. Throw in a load of laundry. Wash the car. Get your mind off the project and a brilliant idea will occur to you, like combining all the topics into one quirky and eye-catching ad, showing a family moving out of their house in the middle of the night because they can't afford their mortgage payment and their investments are worth nothing but they still have the security of their mini-van because thank God they came to XYZ Financial for an auto loan.

There! That wasn't so hard after all.

4. Do - go to Sonic. I know their ads are terrible, but those tater tots are really great. Let me know if they are hiring.

How to Write: Part Four

Today, let's talk about brainstorming.

Brainstorming is a very important creative process. As a freelancer, it is a bit of a challenge for me, because I only have one brain to storm. But I have found ways to get around that.

1. Borrow a brain. By this I mean, tap into the creative power of others by carefully studying their work. There is a fine line between this and stealing. Do borrow. Don't steal.

When I first started out, if I was trying to come up with a headline I would pull out a magazine and find the most powerful and attention-grabbing ad. Next I would read the article right next to that ad, fill out the little card offering vacation information for seventeen different places in Alabama, and clip out any recipes that sounded yummy.

What was I talking about? I forgot.

2. Borrow your own brain. Save everything you write, whether it is a headline, an article, or a draft of a blog post entitled "Twitter Could Help You Earn A Million Dollars If You Send Me $25 I Will Tell You How." That way if you need an idea in the future, you can go back and tap into your own brilliance.

3. Adapt the rules. The usual rules of brainstorming are:

• Assemble a group of people. (me, myself and I. check.)
• Write down any and all ideas. (I take out a piece of paper and do this. check.)
• See if a good idea comes up. (usually it does.)
• Circle that one. (ok.)

Here is an example:
Let's say a client needs a headline for an auto loan postcard, to go out in late October. The most obvious tie-in would be a Halloween theme. So you start writing ...

Halloween
Boo
Costumes
Scary masks
Scare up a great rate

There you have it! Scare up a great rate! Submit that headline and watch the client rave:
"Sorry. We have decided to delay this project one week. Could we have some headlines dealing with Veteran's Day? Only don't mention Veterans. And we need to include the word 'marshmallow.' Oh, and please make it catchy."

Hopefully you recall my tips on submitting catchy copy. I'll give you a minute to study them. When you get back I will impart some wisdom on how brainstorming can help you earn a million dollars.

Stay tuned ...

10 super-duper FREE headline writing tips that just might save your life

Subtitle: How to write a compelling headline

A headline can quite literally make or break a writing project. Don't believe me? Let's look at a classic example:

Good headline: 10 FREE Tips For When Your Dream Guy Just Doesn't Give A Damn

Bad headline: Gone With The Wind

Ok, ok, I know that Gone With The Wind was a hugely successful movie. But just think how much better it would have been with a great, catchy headline!

Here's what makes my headline clearly superior:

1. It includes a number. People just can't resist reading articles that include 10 free tips, 3 deadly mistakes or 5 helpful hints. I don't know why. (Research is not my strong suit.) They just can't.

2. It includes the word FREE in all capital letters. WHO can resist ANY word that is written in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS??? Especially the word FREE?!

3. It has an element of urgency. Why would your dream guy not give a damn? Is it your breath? Your hair? Your total lack of original thought? The answer is just 10 short tips away.

As you can see, the title of this blog post also includes these three essential elements. So if you are tempted to dismiss my thoughtful, time-tested, completely unresearched opinions out of hand, just keep in mind that my headline writing expertise was enough to lure you to this post.

Next week I plan to write an article on 8 Basically Useless FREE Ways To Lure Unsuspecting People To Your Blog Posts. Stay tuned!

How to Write: Part Three

Today, let's talk about how to break into the wonderful, wacky world of freelance writing.

Let me say right up front that I have no idea how most people become successful freelancers. It's not like other professions where you get a degree, you go to job fairs, and you get multiple, high-paying job offers if you can guess the amount that is written down in the sealed envelope. Come to think of it, that only works if you are in a Tom Cruise movie. Trust me, breaking into freelancing is totally different.

For me, it was really mostly a matter of stumbling around and getting lucky. But I have accumulated a few tips over the years that might be helpful.

Tip # 1: Write something.
I was working as a church choir director, and I wrote an article for a small music publication. Voila! That was my entire portfolio. But at least it was something. You could offer to write a brochure for your dentist, or a newsletter for your church. Or just write up some articles, ads or blog posts to show off your style and your impeccable spelling and grammar.

Tip # 2: Find a niche.
I'm not going to tell you what my niche is, because honestly I don't know most of you very well and you just might be the kind of people who would try to steal it. Plus you'd probably be way better at it than me. Your niche might be travel writing, resume writing, or just general business copywriting (which, from what I've seen, is where the big money is).

Tip # 3: Find someone who might need your services, and send them an email.

Most people hate to write, or simply are not that good at it. And for many companies, it is much cheaper to hire a freelancer and pay only for a specific job rather than putting a writer on staff. So really, there are opportunities out there. You just have to find them.

I know there are lots of job boards online, but personally, I have never had much success with them. My "strategy" has been to simply find companies that might use my services, and shoot off an email.

Make the email short and to the point.

"Hi, my name is so-and-so and I would love to contribute some articles to Strange And Disgusting Pet Diseases Magazine. I am an expert on skin rashes, as you will see from the attached articles! Feel free to call or email me for further details."

Or, for business copywriting:

"Hi, my name is so-and-so and I am a freelance copywriter. I have been writing copy for the Barely Legal Money Laundering industry for the past 5 years from my cozy home office here in Alaska. My goal is to move to a cozy home office in a tropical climate, so I am sending out some queries to see if I can drum up a little more work. I have attached a few samples, and of course I would be happy to provide more details."

Believe it or not, I have actually had quite a bit of success with this type of email. But you need to use your own language and tailor the email to your audience. A more serious tone is probably preferable in most cases. I wouldn't really know, I almost never use a serious tone.

Best of luck!

...

Have you had any success with online job boards?
Do people really make any money writing blogs?
How come nobody answers the questions I put at the bottom of my posts?

How to Write: Part Two

Today's topic is: How to make your clients think you are the best writer in the world

If you want to build a successful writing career, you really don't have to be the best writer in the world. You just have to make your clients think that's what you are.

Tip # 1: Use impeccable spelling and grammar. Most people have terrible spelling and grammar (just read the Christmas letter from your college roommate and you will see what I mean). But most people recognize good spelling and grammar when they see it. So proofread carefully. And consult a spelling and grammar expert such as your 7th grade English teacher when necessary. She will be thrilled to hear from you.

Tip # 2: Use your client's words whenever possible. For example, a client may send a creative brief that says: "This postcard needs too convinse our cusstomers that this free checking account can help them save money and manage the stresses in there lifes and be more sucessfulll at everything they do. It may even save there mairrage. Lets really sell it."

Your job is to pick out some key words and use them in your copy. In this case the client did include one rational thought, so you could talk about helping people save money. In other cases, the creative brief will consist entirely of 6 words: "Checking accounts. Need something really catchy." Now you're in trouble. There are no key words to pick out, and you have no idea what "really catchy" is supposed to mean. So it's time for Tip # 3.

Tip # 3: Don't be afraid to ask for clarification. In the case of the 6-word creative brief, you could simply send an email requesting some more details. What does "catchy" mean to them? Do they have examples of previous "catchy" projects they could send? Did they have some copy points they would like to include?

Chances are, you will receive an answer something like this: "You know. Catchy."

So there you go. Just write something up. I guarantee that they will send an email that says: "This is not at all what we had in mind. We asked for a contemporary, sales-oriented headline with light and humorous body copy emphasizing the fact that we do not charge a monthly fee for our checking account. And why didn't you mention the sweepstakes?"

Before you explode, take a minute to read Tip # 4.

Tip # 4: Don't take anything personally. This is the hardest part for a perfectionist like me. I mean, if I had known they wanted light and humorous copy emphasizing the fact that they do not charge a monthly fee, I would have given it to them! I would have been happy to explain their sweepstakes!

Over the years, I have learned that the best course is not to send the irate email I typed up within 6 seconds of receiving their email. The best course is to repeat my copywriting mantra: "Don't take it personally. Don't take it personally" ... until I have calmed down. Next, I take a few handfuls of Cheetos and do a quick review of the project I wrote in 2003 which won an award even though, ok, the award was not specifically for the copywriting but still it lets me claim to be an award-winning copywriter which at this particular moment is very important to my fragile ego.

Whew. Now I can tackle the checking account project anew, giving the client exactly what they want, making the copy nice and catchy and using as many of the client's own words as possible.

Then I will send my invoice, grab some more Cheetos, turn on Deal Or No Deal, and remind myself that, even if I am not the best writer in the world, I really do have the best job in the world.

....

Topics for discussion:
Do you have certain clients who just drive you crazy?
Have you developed strategies to deal with them?
Have you ever dropped a client because they were so difficult?

How To Write: Part One

One of mom's favorite sayings was: "Make yourself useful as well as beautiful." In an effort to be a bit more useful, since the beautiful part is pretty much a lost cause, I am starting a series on "How To Write." Most of my tips will relate to copywriting, because that's what I do. But of course most of the posts will be silly and rambling, so even if you don't give a hoot about writing, you may want to read them anyway.

My impeccable writing skills actually began back in 7th grade, with a phenomenal English teacher named Mrs. Clegg.

I have very fond memories of Mrs. Clegg. She was totally devoted to her work. She cared deeply about the difference between a colon and a semi-colon. She ripped apart our essays, lamented our run-on sentences, and grieved over every dangling participle. Everybody else hated her. But she became my role model.

Now that I am gainfully employed as a marketing copywriter, however, Mrs. Clegg's rules are out the window. Some of them, at least. One of the most important tasks for a copywriter (or a blogger, for that matter) is to determine which rules are made to be broken, and which are set in stone.

No-no's that may be OK:

Sentence fragments. I use sentence fragments all the time. Why? Because that's how people talk. When you write, especially if you are writing ad copy, you really should write the way you talk. (If you are a boring talker, you have my permission to write like me. But only if you follow my rules.) Short, concise sentence fragments can help keep your copy moving.

Simplified punctuation. Mrs. Clegg may know the difference between a colon and a semi-colon, but trust me. Nobody else does. Stick to periods, commas and exclamation points.

No-no's that are just plain bad:

Run-on sentences. There is just no excuse for a run-on sentence. I sometimes use long sentences in an attempt to be humorous, but if you look hard enough you will find proper sentence structure in there somewhere.

Spelling and/or grammatical errors. This is one of my pet peeves. Nobody seems to know when to use "it's" versus "its" or "there" versus "their." Wasn't ANYBODY paying attention to Mrs. Clegg except me???

Long paragraphs. Unless your name is Nathaniel Hawthorne, your paragraphs should never be more than 4 or 5 sentences long. And if your name IS Nathaniel Hawthorne, you might want to consider making your paragraphs shorter. There is a reason why nobody ever reads your books voluntarily.

In keeping with the rest of the blogging universe, I think I will invite comments and questions throughout the "How To Write" series. If you have no comments or questions, please feel free to leave a note on a totally random topic. Or just tell me how wonderful I am. That will work, too.

......

Topics for discussion:
Do you have memories of a favorite teacher?
Do you have questions about the world of writing?
Just how wonderful am I?