Financial Planning After 50

(i'm so old, I have equity in my house)

I'm pretty sure I am the oldest employee in my entire company. That doesn't bother me, but it does have some interesting financial implications.

1. I decided to max out my 401(k) contribution, as well as my Health Savings Account contribution, not to mention the special catch-up contributions they give me because I am a geezer who, let's face it, will never catch up.

2. As a result, my take-home pay is approximately $1.98 each week.

3. In fact, our company accountant called me to make sure I was aware that my take-home pay would no longer pay for a take-out pizza.

4. Yes, I told her, that's fine, I'm saving for retirement, which just might happen some day.

5. Unless the stock market crashes again.

6. Which is totally possible, as long as Goldman Sachs controls the world.

7. Which means I better keep working.

8. So I probably need some new clothes.

9. Which will cost a heck of a lot more than $1.98.

10. And in conclusion, my husband clearly needs to get a second job. Do you want to tell him, or should I?

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Technology after 50

(of course i know what a mouse is. everybody knows what a mouse is)

I do my best to keep up with technology. But it's moving way faster than me.

Here are a few things I just don't understand:

1. What the heck is an Android?

2. What is a cloud, and how can I send my files there? And why would I want to send them there, if I don't even know where it is? Plus, I don't have any files anyway, so do I still need a cloud? Cuz if I need one, I really want to get one.

And 3. What if I'm not as smart as my smart phone? Will it be smart enough for both of us? Like, will it explain itself to me, because I'm pretty sure I will have no idea how to use it, if I ever get one, which I probably won't because let's face it I really don't want a phone that is smarter than me.

I miss the good old days, when phones made phone calls and that was it. No email. No pictures. Just hello, let's chat a while.

I miss the cars of yesterday, with windows you had to crank down and super cool AM/FM radios and maybe a tape deck if you were really lucky.

But I do kinda like my Netflix streaming video, with my queue of old black and white movies starring Bette Davis and Clark Gable. See? I'm hip. In my own little way.

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