Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Can you hear me now?

(i'm SO tired of people telling me i should have bought a mac.
especially because, quite clearly, i should have.)

"Thank you for calling Dell customer service. Your call is important to us, in spite of the fact that we are going to make you listen to MusicThatIsGuaranteedToCureInsomnia for the next 20 minutes. Please hold."

... 20 minutes later ...

Sahib Boyyouarestupidforbuyingadell: (with a strong Indian accent, not to be culturally insensitive, but if you have ever called customer service you know exactly what i mean) Hello? My name is Joe. How can I help you?

Me: Joe? Your name is Joe?

Sahib: You want help with your computer? Or you want more music?

Me: Fine. Joe it is.

Sahib: What seems to be the problem?

Me: Well Joe, my little yellow Dell laptop will not start. Again. It's only two years old, and it has now crashed three times.

Sahib: Do you have your data backed up?

Me: You're going to make me wipe my hard drive clean again, aren't you?!

Sahib: You really should use an external hard drive.

Me: I don't want an external hard drive, I want MY hard drive!

Sahib: I can't help you there. You know, they sell little memory sticks -

Me: I want my pictures! I want my files! I want my laptop to work! Is that too much to ask?

Sahib: Yes ma'am. Way too much. You should have bought a Mac.

Me: grrrrr ......


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Once upon a time, there were two little princesses ...

(my little princesses)

Have I mentioned lately that I love being a Grandma? I sometimes forget, since today's Grandma bears absolutely no resemblance to the gray haired rocking chair inhabitant the word probably brings to mind.

In fact, today's Grandma probably:

~ Works at a real honest to goodness job, since Grandpa has been laid off and Medicare is years away.

~ Dresses like a relatively normal person, with no crocheted shawls in sight.

~ Would not have any idea how to crochet a shawl, even if she was inclined to wear one, which at this point in time she most definitely is not.

And yet, in spite of her undeniable hipness, today's Grandma holds to some eternal truths:

~ Grandchildren can do no wrong.

~ If they start to act up and glare at Mommy and Daddy like a world-weary 16 year old, they must be tired poor little darlings and they clearly need just one more cookie.

~ And if you somehow forget just how perfect and adorable they are, you simply need to replay the message you have saved on your cell phone which says: "Hewwo? Gamma? I wuv you. I'm wearing my pwincess dwess. Wet me put you on speaker so you can see me."

I wuv my grandbabies. Can you tell?


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Where have you been???

(this is WAY more impressive than my office building,
which looks like a strip mall in need of some serious prozac)

I am totally an accomplished career woman now. In fact, I barely have time to talk to you before I slip into my stiletto Jimmy Choo heels and clack off to a high-rise office building for an important meeting.

But let's take just a minute to catch up. Here's a sure sign of just how accomplished I am:

This morning, I got up at 5:45 as usual. By 6:45 I had my hair done, makeup on, and a load of towels humming in the washing machine. I even added the fabric softener at just the right time, which I could do blindfolded in my sleep if I ever got any sleep which unfortunately I do not at this particular junction in my long and winding life.

I left for work, did my Tasmanian Devil imitation for 9 hours straight, then drove home.

Upon arriving home, I thought I would put load # 2 into the washing machine ... but lo and behold, load # 1 was still there, with the lid wide open, soaking in the fabric softener for 9 hours straight.

In spite of all the evidence to the contrary, I am truly enjoying life as a working woman.

1. I always did think sleep was a waste of time.
2. I love challenges, even though I complain about them endlessly.
3. I also enjoy complaining endlessly,which probably explains a lot.

And 4. I truly love soft towels.

So life is good.



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