Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Seriously Fabulous Blog Posts


(fortunately, there are alternatives to the Seriously Terrible Blog Posts I rambled about yesterday)


I'm excited to introduce two brand new blogs ... drum roll ...

The first, All For The Best, is by my witty and talented sister Monica. She will tell you some of the same stories as me, but she remembers the details so you will actually get a beginning, a middle and an ending, unlike with me where you get "And then somebody said something so funny, I wish I could remember what it was, you would be laughing hysterically right now, trust me."

With four girls in our family, I must admit there was a lot of rivalry going on when we were little. But I'm happy that we are now each other's biggest supporters. Visit Monica's blog. You'll love her.

The second, Mommee and Mee, is by my totally amazing daughter Jessica, who has two little girls and a full time job and sells her own handmade crocheted items on the side and should not have time to brush her teeth, let alone write a blog.

Her little ones are full of personality - and that's an understatement - so visit her blog for funny stories and adorable pictures and even a chapter or two from the Unicorn Bible. See? Now you have to visit to find out what I'm talking about.

Happy reading! I love you, Moni and Jess. Blog away!

~~~

Monday, January 24, 2011

Seriously Terrible Blog Posts

(bad, bad, bad ... maybe that's good)


As you can tell from my potentially best-selling but currently nonexistent book and the movie rights I expect to sell as soon as my life develops some kind of plot, I have the potential to be an expert blogger.

And so, tonight I am generously offering my expert opinions on how to develop seriously terrible blog posts.

Why would you want to have terrible blog posts? I'm glad you asked. So far, my 2 most popular topics of all time are:

1) Seriously Terrible Halloween Costumes

and

2) Seriously Terrible Holiday Gifts

For some reason, people have actually googled these exact topics. Seriously. So surely there must be people actively seeking Seriously Terrible Blog Writing Tips.

Happy to oblige.

How To Make Sure Your Blog Posts Are Seriously Terrible:

A. Ramble on and on interminably about absolutely nothing. Look back at any of my previous posts for examples.

B. Make each post one long paragraph. Walls of words are so much fun to read.

C. Jump from one topic to another. Be funny one day, morose the next, right-wing on Wednesdays and left-wing on Thursdays. When you have nothing else to write about, try poetry. Make sure it rhymes.

I hope these tips have been helpful! Forget spelling, grammar, sentence structure and cohesive thoughts. Seriously terrible is the way to go. Take it from me.

Blog away!

~~~


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Working Girl


(this show now makes sense to me)


I'm sure you are all wondering how my career is going. After all, I've had a real job for almost a year now. I go to an office. I wear shoes every day. I have co-workers. After many years of freelancing, these are not small changes.

Here are some of the things I have learned so far:

1. If they offer you a promotion, don't assume that's a good thing. Be sure to ask (a) if you will now be responsible for making sure other people do their jobs; (b) if you will now be expected to work longer hours, preferably without whining; and (c) if your paycheck will now be bigger.

2. An old dog can try to learn new tricks, but the other dogs will not be fooled. You might as well go ahead and ask your stupid questions, such as "How did you make that amazing pie chart? From Excel? Really??" ... if you're lucky, your co-workers will think you are making a joke. Ha ha just kidding, I've known how to make a pie chart on Excel since I was in kindergarten! No, preschool! I meant preschool!

And 3. If you can't upgrade your skills, upgrade your wardrobe. Who needs Excel, Powerpoint, flashy graphics, impressive spreadsheets, or compelling data? If you have a merino sweater, fitted slacks and designer shoes, people are sure to assume that you are competent. At least, that's what I tell myself.

I have a lot more to learn, I'm sure. But for now, I'm happy to drive to my big impressive office building which looks an awful lot like a little strip mall, toss my hat in the air like Mary Tyler Moore, and join my coworkers around the water cooler which is actually a coffee maker while we completely stress out over the incredible amount of work we need to get done in the next umpteen hours before we can finally go home and pop in a video of The Office and fall asleep within the first 30 seconds.

Life is good.

~~~

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