Monday, November 9, 2009

When I grow up ...

(work: what i really should be doing right now)

I'm at it again. Searching for jobs.

Not that I really want a job. It's kind of my hobby.

One of these days somebody is going to offer me a job and I'll say "Oh, heh heh, no thanks, I was just looking" like I always say to the sales people at the mall, who have one of the worst jobs in the world, cleaning up after people like me who try on 27 outfits and don't buy any of them.

Anyway. Here is my fool-proof method for job searching:

Step one: I go to, where I have stored three searches. (writer, copywriter, editor)

Step two: I pull up recent listings that might meet my stringent criteria, which include a generous salary, absolutely no need for heels or pantyhose at any time, and summers off.

Step three: I find one or more reasons why I am not qualified for any of the recent listings.

Step four: I turn on the television and watch the latest episode of The Colbert Report, hoping all the while that Stephen Colbert will announce a new nationwide search for comedy writers yet knowing that if he did, I would find a reason not to apply.

Surely, one of these days, I will discover my true calling in life. My passion. My what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up.

Here are some jobs that just might fit the bill:

~ Circus Clown: Comfortable shoes. Baggy pants. No need to style my hair.

~ Snow Plow Operator In Dallas: Summers off. Plus Springs, Winters and Falls.

~ Bank Robber: Set your own hours. Unlimited earning potential.

Of course, I could just continue doing what I do, which is writing marketing projects for a couple of wonderful marketing companies that could not care less if I wear heels, pantyhose, or my raggedy sweat pants. Or even a red rubber nose.

Though they do make me work in the summer.

Life is tough.



plainolebob said...

Lesley, those are some good selections and even better qualifications, I always look for one that I can either supervise or delegate.
I would love the snow plow job in Dallas tho.

Susan R. Mills said...

That sounds like my kind of job hunting. Eerily familiar...

You know what's even weirder? My word verification is 'jobat'.

Nathan said...

Life sure is tough! I like the Dallas snow plow driver job. I think I might even apply to that one!

Great post!

Good Luck job searching. If you ever run out of excuses not to apply then please just let me know. I can come up with some new ones for you!

Fran Hill said...

Your true calling is to keep us all happy and blog more. Forget the rest of them.

Lesley said...

Bob, I'd really rather not supervise. Or delegate. Or work. Where does that leave me?

Lesley said...

Susan: You are always so affirming! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who job hunts and then talks myself out of everything.

Lesley said...

Nathan: Thanks! I'll let you and Bob know if I hear of any snow plow openings down here. LOL

Lesley said...

Fran: I like your idea best! Now if all my followers would just send $100 ... every week ... that's not too much to ask, is it?

MsBurb said...

I have made a CAREER out of being rejected by the world's BEST publishing houses and to show for my efforts, MsBurb's "Wall of Shame" - the longest wall in my home office adorned with very expensive frames encasing the rejection letters from the above aforementioned.

Yeppers, NOBODY has lived literary rejection success like me!

Actually obtaining an advance for one of my historical novels would be kind of a slap in the face to my already flourishing literary failure.

I am of Canadian North Irish descent - the Belfast Black Irish - "The Suffering Irish" and it would tarnish my forefathers' reputations should I succeed in any monetary way, when decades of artsy-fartsy poverty have served us "Burbites" (okay, that's not my REAL last name, but it's cuter than Thompson!)so well.

Keep up the good non-work, and don't call me when you're employed as our relationship which doesn't even exist as I write this, will be no more...sigh...

Cordially, (If Not Entirely Sober!) MsBurb

High Chief Mucky Muck of

Burb's Buck & Buntline Inn (B3)

2nd Official Tate-LaBianca Murders Blog (TLB2)

Home of the Bucky Award for the Best Blogging Bloggers in Webland!

MsBurb said...

P.S. I am now a Follower of you and have put you on my B3's Favourite blogs list, just so that when you do make literary fame, I will know when I'm supposed to roll up into the fetal position in the corner of my office and cry, okee dokee?!!


The Retired One said...

How about a Fredrick's catalog saleswoman at a convent? hahahaaaaa

Amanda said...

Sounds like you have a good thing going. I wouldn't be too quick to put on those clown shoes and baggy pants. Not a good look. Trust me.

I'm waiting for the day that I can quit my day job and write for a living. Umm, I guess that's not gonna happen anytime soon...

I can dream, right?

Lesley said...

Ms Burb: Welcome!! You crack me up, as always. I look forward to further comments. I think. haha

Lesley said...

Retired One: LOL! My hubby is the world's best salesman. I'll pass your idea to him. He could probably make a go of it!

Lesley said...

Amanda: Don't give up. I see a cookbook in your future. Or maybe a cooking show on TV. Or there's always the bank robber thing ...

~Ellie Kings~ said...

You're always making me laugh! loved your selections. I'm searching myself, might take up bank robbing, I hear they make tons of money within a few minutes, except with my innocent face, they'd laugh and say... you are so not qualified! lol

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