Driving Directions from New London, CT to Miami, FL:
1. Back out of the driveway and proceed to I-95 S ... 1.6 Miles
2. Go straight ... 1409 Miles
3. You have arrived at your destination. Kiss the ground.
Estimated distance: 1410.6 miles
Estimated time: You don't even want to know.
Of course, MapQuest makes these directions look quite simple. Don't be fooled. For some inexplicable reason, MapQuest left out the most important part:
The 250 billboards advertising a charming tourist attraction called "South of the Border."
Just imagine ...
250 tacky billboards
250 reminders that we had miles and miles and miles to go
250 opportunities to bounce up and down and yell "OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!!!"
We loved em.
I mean, what's not to love? Just look at this clever humor:
Not to mention the phenomenal facilities!!!! It was the chance of a liftime!!!
It was even EDUCATIONAL!!!
I don't think we actually had any idea what might await us at South of the Border. As soon as we got within 1/4 mile of the place, the car suddenly zoomed ahead at 90 miles an hour and Mom pointed frantically out the passenger's side window - "Look, girls! I saw an armadillo! Oh my goodness! Keep looking! No, no, over here!"
Fortunately, the helpful folks at South of the Border were on our side, with one last sign giving us one last chance to yell and scream and bounce up and down:
"Back up Amigo! You missed it!"
For some reason, I couldn't find any pictures of this particular sign online. I suspect that it was removed in 1962, shortly after being rammed by a crazed college professor driving a station wagon with Connecticut license plates.
Just a guess.
To be continued.