(this is nothing. wait till you see MY turkey!)
Dear Southern Living Magazine:
I am so excited! We have some friends coming to visit for Thanksgiving. So this year, I'm going all out. No thin-sliced deli turkey from Kroger. No applesauce spooned into those little graham cracker crust things. No indeedy. This year I'm going to cook!
I bought your Southern Living Holiday Extravaganza Impress Your Friends And Neighbors Edition yesterday. It's not too often that I spend $24 on a single magazine. But I figured it's worth that much just for the Do-It-Yourself Back Yard Turkey Farm blueprints alone.
And the diagram for Decorating A 12-Foot Christmas Tree Using Your Grandmother's Antique Jewelry! Stunning!
I just have a few questions:
First, the turkey. Should I prepare the Homegrown Herb Dry Rub before or after I skin the turkey, disassemble it, remove the bones, and then put it back together in the shape of George Washington?
If I don't have time to get my Back Yard Turkey Farm up and running, can you tell me where to find a 50-pound turkey in my local area? I am in Zone 8 of your Southern Living Turkey Zone color-coded map.
Are you sure it's a good idea to stuff the turkey with deep-fried butter? According to your Nutritional Estimates, we will all congeal into solid masses of clogged arteries by 6:00 p.m. The Bacon And Eggs Benedict Gravy sure sounds yummy, I must admit.
I'm a little skeptical about using the giblets to polish my furniture. But you are the experts.
I'll let you know how it turns out.
~~~
12 comments:
Sounds good... what time is dinner?
I don't know - maybe you should reconsider this cooking idea. How about a nice ham???
Go veggie. Back Yard Beans annoy the neighbours less. And they are easier to catch and kill.
Hmmm... This turkey thing is a disaster waiting to happen... Maybe you should let me come over and I'll whip you up a traditional spanish meal. All you have to do is twiddle your thumbs till dinner. Whatta ya say? :)
Jim: I'm not sure. Let me check with Ellie.
Rae: If I can't find a 50-pound turkey, that will be Plan B!
Fran: Hmm ... that would save a lot of work on the Two-Story Country Style Turkey Pens with the Southern Wrap-Around Porches. Good idea.
Ellie: You're so sweet!!! I just might take you up on that offer. LOL
Lesley~ FYI, I left you a little something on my blog; make sure to stop by.
hmmmm...this should be a thanksgiving worth remembering ;) hahaha! 50 lbs huh? I guess everything is bigger in Texas!
I agree with Fran. Ditch the turkey.
Haven't you heard? Tofurkey is all the rage now.
Ellie: Thank you, you are SO sweet!!
Lauren: 50 pounds at least. You don't know my friends. Or maybe you do.
Amanda: I'm in Texas, remember? None of that fancy shmancy San Francisco stuff for me. Meat, potatoes, and plastic surgery. That's what it's all about here in Dallas.
Hilarious.
Oh, and did they happen to mention that Pumpkin pie is a great facial?
Silly girl... Buy the bird, and buy one of those turkey fries. Do you smell the testosterone brewing? Men love standing around propane flames! Hand him a platter and relax in front of the TV until time to carve!
Retired One: I'll have to try that! LOL
Lily: Yes, that's all the rage down here! Did you know that if the turkey isn't completely thawed, it will explode in the fryer? Luckily I didn't discover that first-hand.
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