Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Help Wanted: Part One

(unemployment? what unemployment?)

Who says there's an unemployment problem? Anyone who makes that claim has not been on Craigslist lately. There are plenty of jobs to go around.

This is the first of possibly hundreds of posts to come highlighting hilarious job postings on craigslist. Now, if you are a coworker of mine, don't get your hopes up. I am not searching for a job. But someone close to me is - which of course means that I am helpfully writing multiple resume versions (HumorousResume / StraightResume / DesperateResume / CharmingResume) not to mention corresponding cover letters and job search engine queries.

Not that I'm controlling or anything.

Along the way, I have encountered some actual job listings that I thought you would enjoy. I swear I did not make these up. Here is the first craigslist listing, word for word, with my comments below in red:

Driver, pick up for crematory

local crematory needs driver/pick up person. must have valid drivers license, ability to do heavy lifting of deceased. training available for crematory operation. must have excellent social skills, attention to detail. $10 per hour salary. part time postion may develop into full time.

  • Location: lewisville texas
  • Compensation: $10 per hour
Ok, so first of all - what exactly would the "training for crematory operation" involve? Don't tell me. I don't really want to know.

Second, I can understand why you'd need the "ability to do heavy lifting" - but are "excellent social skills" really needed? Really?

And third, this highly desirable position pays a whopping $10 an hour? Seriously?

Sign me up. My TotallyDesperateResume is on the way.


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