My new haircut gave me carpal tunnel syndrome.
It's not surprising, really. My hair has never been particularly cooperative. To start with, I have way more of it than I need. I'm a small person, but I've always had big hair. From a distance I look like a blonde Q-Tip that's been through the washer a time or two.
My hair is wavy, but not wavy enough to look cute or be in style. Just wavy enough to stick out at random angles.
It's thicker on one side than the other. So I always look a little off balance.
And it grows faster than bamboo.
I've tried all kinds of styling tips and tools. I tried scrunching it and letting it air dry.
Here is what I was hoping for:
Here's what I got:
I tried straightening it with a Chi, the latest super-duper styling tool that heats up to a million degrees Fahrenheit in 60 seconds flat.
(Important tip: if you drop the Chi while using it, do not try to catch it. Let it fall. Trust me.)
I was hoping the Chi would make me look like this:
But I ended up looking more like this:
I just don't have the knack.
But THEN, yesterday, I went to a new hair stylist. She did a great job. She whipped out her blow-dryer and a round brush the size of a 40-gallon industrial drum, and within a few minutes she had me looking really cute. She insisted that I could do it at home. All I needed was a round brush like hers.
I bought the brush, toodled on home, and woke up this morning full of optimism. I hopped in the shower, washed my newly-trimmed hair, and faced the mirror with confidence.
Then I picked up the brush. Holy cow, that thing is heavy. For her, it glided through my hair. For me, it got all snagged up. For her, it lifted and styled. For me, it pouffed and frizzed. Half an hour later, I hobbled out of the bathroom, gingerly holding my wrist.
How do I look after all that work? Pretty much like I always do. A little wavy, a little frizzy, a little off balance.
A less determined person might be tempted to give up at this point. But I hear there's a new styling gel made from beeswax, aloe and quick-dry cement ... it might be worth a try.