Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Open wide ... not your mouth, your wallet!

(i brush ten times a day now. i can't afford a cavity.)

I love Texas. You should come visit some time. And while you're here, why not schedule a dental check-up? You will definitely have something to tell your friends about when you get home.

I went to a Texas dentist shortly after moving down. He took panoramic x-rays of my entire mouth. He took close-up pictures of each tooth, which he displayed on his computerized system so he could show me every crack, shadow, and disgustingly plaque-covered tooth. Then he told me I needed $8,000 of dental work, IMMEDIATELY.

He was nice enough to offer me a financing plan. Right before I bolted out the door.

Check out this website. That is a Texas dental office. Honest to God. It's about a 10 minute drive from my house.

This same dentist just opened a second location. Here is the description:

The Smile Spa at Moon River Ranch.

"It’s the nation’s first Ranch Resort Dental Spa and Willow Bend Dental’s second office location. Be sure to see the state of the art Tommy-Bahama-like dental spa overlooking the natural rock pool and cascading waterfalls."

Ok, I'm sorry - what the heck is a "dental spa"? From my experience, those two words do not go together at all.

~ Will they massage my feet while they scrape the hardened potato chips from my molars?

~ Will they wrap me in seaweed to detoxify my gums?

~ Will they put hot stones on my back when I fall flat on the floor from looking at the bill?

Sadly, I will never know. Because I managed to find a sane dentist, with a plain white office, old-fashioned x-ray machines, and a pleasant chair-side manner. But if you'd like a Dental Spa appointment, just let me know! I'd love to hear how you like it.



Lazy Writer said...

I can so relate to this post! A couple of summer's ago, I took my son to a pediatric dentist. There were video games in the lobby, televisions in every exam room, hand held video games at every chair, etc. He told me my son needed $8,000 of dental work. I got a second opinion from a good old, every day dentist. As it turned out, my son only needed $1,000 of dental work (which was bad enough, but at least it was better than $8,000)!

Lesley said...

Isn't that crazy? I came home in tears. And like your son, I turned out to need about $1,000 of work from the other, SANE dentist.

MzzLily said...

A dental spa? I agree with you... Sounds nuts! If I want to relax at the dentist's office, just give me some nitrous oxide and keep the seaweed.

adventuringmaya said...

I checked out the dentist spa website - that is pretty creepy. What do they DO there? Sit around on the mahogany furniture talking about cavities all day between treatments??!

Fran Hill said...

If I had to wear a pair of paper knickers at the dentist like I did once at a spa, I'd want them to be paying me, not the other way round.


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