Tuesday, September 8, 2009

How to launch a new career. Or not.

I love my job, but as a freelancer part of my job is to search for new jobs all the time. So I send out resumes from time to time, while secretly hoping that Huffington Post will discover my political blog and pay me wildly extravagant sums of money for ranting about anything and everything.


A while back I applied for a freelance job through CareerBuilder.com. Apparently, without meaning to, I also signed up for their Random Weekly Job Search Email List. They now send me helpful job listings every week.

Here are just a few of the jobs for which they apparently think I am qualified. My comments are in red.

Texas/Mexico Sales Representitive. Find, call, sample, quote, close sales and negotiate blanket orders from new customers are the key skills we are looking for.

I could definitely help this company with their spelling and sentence structure. Not so sure about the rest of the job, though.

National Sales Fraud Mitigation. Base pay $89,000 - $130,000 per year. This person will utilize Microsoft CRM for tracking and generating all prospects and generate $1 Million in newly signed revenue within our key target verticals, Internet Retailer 500, travel and entertainment clients along with other CNP prospects.

Dang. $omething about thi$ one i$ very attractive. Unfortunately I have no idea what the heck they are talking about.

Temporary Halloween Sales Pros. We offer a generous salary, great working environment, and some of the most incredible advancement opportunities in retail. Party City also offers a comprehensive benefit package including medical, vision and dental insurance, paid time off, tuition assistance, 401K, Associate discount and much more!

Now you're talking! Party City sounds like an awesome place to work! For one month out of the entire year I could have medical, vision and dental insurance!! I am truly excited.

Thanks, CareerBuilder! I can't wait to see what you come up with next week.



Lazy Writer said...

Same thing happened to me. I have a degree in accounting, and that's what I put in to career builder. They email me the craziest job listings. I really don't want to be a sales associate for Kohl's Department store. I don't even look at the emails anymore.

Rae said...

Makes me want to apply for a job just to see what kind of offers I get.

Lily said...

Hmm... You could schedule all your appointments (dental, vision, annual physical) for October every year.

Amanda said...

Oh I could totally see you writing for The Huffington Post!

I sometimes feel that I am the "Jack of all trades, master of none"

Think I need therapy...

Fran Hill said...

I've never heard of Temporary Halloweens before. Are they Halloweens which don't quite make it to midnight, leaving forests full of witches looking very silly?

Lesley said...

LW: I know, I got a Kohl's listing too. I think I'd rather be unemployed, thank you.

Rae: It's fun, you should try it!

Lily: I was thinking I would apply for my paid time off during october. That way I wouldn't have to work at all.

Amanda: Thanks! You are my favorite reader of the day.

Fran: hmm.... I'm not sure. If I decide to become a Temporary Halloween worker I'll let you know!

The Retired One said...

Hey, I'd try for the $ale$ job$ even if you don't have a clue what they are talking about. If you qualified, you qualified.


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