Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Things I do not plan to do on vacation

(if you hear about one of those incidents this week where passengers are stranded on a runway for hours and hours, until one of them goes completely berserk and crawls through the ceiling panel in the bathroom and then leaps from the cargo hold ... that would be me. though this is definitely not in my plans.)

I will be leaving tomorrow morning for a week's vacation. Yay! I love vacations.

I really need a break from my hectic life of laundry, online poker, and trying to influence the outcome of the Senate Finance Committee hearings on health care reform by the sheer power of my mind. Just yesterday I squinted my eyes and shot powerful thought rays at each Senator just before they voted to increase my premiums by 400% which should make my monthly payments approximately a bazillion dollars a year. Two bazillion if I want prescription coverage.


I plan to have a lovely time. And I plan to NOT do the following things:

1. Exercise.
Most hotels thoughtfully provide work-out rooms, so guests who are awakened at 6 a.m. by the construction crews hammering on the walls in the adjacent room will have something to do. Not me. I'll get up at 5, break all the treadmills, and sit in the lobby drinking coffee and eating dwarf-sized muffins.

2. Shiver.
My number one goal in life, other than spoiling my grandbaby, is to stay warm. I think I am the only tourist who owns fleecy hooded sweatshirts from Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta and Laguna Beach.

3. Think.
This one should be no problem. My brain automatically shuts off as soon as it hears we are going on vacation. On our last vacation I forgot how to turn my cell phone on so I spent most of the trip fretting about my broken phone until we found a t-mobile store thank god where the teenage sales guy fixed the problem in two seconds flat by pushing the right button and making me feel like a complete idiot, which of course I am. But only when I'm on vacation.

Have a great week!



Fran Hill said...

Have fun. It sounds ideal. Don't forget to breathe. Some things are still essential to keep going.

The Retired One said...

Have a super vacation. Oh, and next time I am tropical, I will come up to your sweater-wearing self and introduce myself!


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