Tuesday, December 29, 2009

New Year's Resolutions For Texas Drivers

(would someone please explain to me what this bumper sticker even means?)

It's that time of year, when everybody makes silly New Year's Resolutions.

Save more money? Why bother? Lose 10 pounds? What the heck for? If we have another decade like this one, we'll all be broke and depressed in no time. So why add to your woes by going on a diet?

Instead of the usual trite ideas, I have come up with some new resolutions that will make life better for all of us. Or at least, if my fellow Texans will follow them, they will make life better for me.

Please recite along with me:

1. I resolve to stop driving like a moron. If Lesley puts on her turn signal and wants to come into my lane, I will NOT speed up, block the lane, and glare at her as if she just called me a Democrat.

2. I resolve to buy a normal size car instead of an SUV the size of a Winnebago or a pick-up truck that can hold my horse.

3. I resolve to stay home when it snows. Or rains. In fact, as soon as I spot a cloud in the sky I will head home and stay there.

And 4. I resolve to take all of the stupid bumper stickers off my vehicle. Everyone in all of the other 49 states understands that a $50,000 Infiniti should NOT have a cheesy "Secede Or Die" bumper sticker on the back. I now understand this, as well.

Thank you Lesley (you are still reciting along with me, right?) ... I resolve to read your blog every day! And recommend it to all my friends! And - oh, what's that? You stopped reciting a long time ago? Well, happy New Year anyway. And remember, when driving in Texas, watch out for the other guy. He sure as heck won't be watching out for you.



Fran Hill said...

I am tempted to write a similar list for bus drivers.

Lesley said...

Oh, by all means Fran! That would be a hoot.

Amanda said...

Maybe you should take the bus, just like Fran. Do they even have busses in Texas?

The Retired One said...

I know what you mean!
I see so many stupid bumper stickers on vehicles (or radical ones) that I wonder why people want to do that to themselves?
No wonder there is road rage...the bumper stickers are the cause..if you don't agree with him, slam into their car?!

Little Miss English Teacher said...

I COMPLETELY agree with you about Texas Drivers. Every day is a struggle for me not to just ram my vehicle into the back or side of the person next to me that refuses to let me over even though I've had my blinker on for hours now.


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