Saturday, October 30, 2010

Seriously Terrible Holiday Gifts (Part 2)

(ho ho ho. yes, i'm talking about you suzy)

Dear J.C. Penney,

I finally got a few minutes to peruse the toy section of your Christmas catalog. I must say, I was a little disturbed by this full-page image:

Oh sure, the picture is cute. The description is equally adorable:

Her own itty-bitty baby to love and care for. Birth certificate is included. $19.99.

Ok. But here's the deal. Even if Suzy is delighted with her own itty-bitty baby, Suzy's mother is apt to be less enthusiastic. I mean, who wants to be a grandmother at the age of 28? Apparently Suzy was not listening during those mother-daughter talks about abstinence and purity and not getting caught in the same awful, hopeless trap for the next 20 years of your life with a worthless no-good man who can't even find the time to get off his butt and apply for a job but boy, he's got plenty of time for hanging around Dave and Buster's drinking beer with his good-for-nothing friends.

I would recommend a disclaimer at the bottom of this page. Maybe something like:
WARNING: LIFESTYLE HAZARD. Not recommended for children with low self-esteem.

Just a suggestion.

Thanks for listening! By the way, I love your polyester pants. Nobody does elastic waistbands quite as good as J.C. Penney, I always say.




Fran said...

Send me the details about the pants. But not the baby.

The Retired One said...



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