Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Yoga 102

Who needs yoga classes? Why humiliate myself in front of limber 20-year-olds who think it's perfectly normal to bend in half, grab your ankles, bend in half again, stretch one arm towards the ceiling, open your heart to the sky, and rise onto your left hand in the position known as the Bean Sprout Rising In The East?

I can do all this at home, with my Yoga 102 Video from Target.

My video begins with peaceful flute music and a lovely blonde woman, sitting peacefully on her mat.

I can do that.

She begins very slowly, apparently recognizing my total lack of coordination. Let's breathe in. And out.

I'm doing great. In. Out. My confidence is growing.

Lovely Blonde Woman quickens the pace a bit, challenging the fledgling followers who were lured into purchasing her video by the 20% discount on a green flowered yoga mat that smells like a recycled Goodyear tire but is definitely an improvement over the disgusting black mats at the gym that smell like two year old socks that have never been washed.

I see you connecting with your inner rhythms, LBW.

I admire your ability to contort your body into the ShmarmaBarmaPharmaDownwardDog position.

I even enjoy your video, which I am watching from the comfort of my couch with a bowl of popcorn on my lap as I type this blog post.

I think I'm getting the hang of this yoga thing. It's a spectator sport, right?

Got it. I'm with ya. Breathe in. Breathe out. Downward dog. All is well.



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