Why oh why was I cursed with perfect vision? Lisa's glasses even had a little sparkle to them, which might have distracted from the uncontrollable, unruly mop of hair that was twice the size of my face. They would have transformed me from Little Orphan Annie to Shirley Temple. I was sure of it. I probably would have started tap dancing on the spot.
But no. I never needed glasses ... until now.
I got my first pair of "real" glasses yesterday, after several years of squinting and holding menus at arm's length and buying three pairs of readers for $12.99 at Costco.
My vision is now 20/20. I'm not so sure I like it.
1. My glasses have "progressive" lenses, which means I can only see clearly if I'm looking straight ahead. I'm constantly tipping my head, like those birds that bob back and forth taking a sip of water. Only without the water.
2. If I happen to be looking straight ahead, I see quite clearly. Like this morning, when I put on my glasses and then looked in the mirror. Enough said.
3. On the other hand, my new glasses are pretty snazzy.
4. They're not sparkly, but they are Michael Kors.
5. I can always take them off when I come close to a mirror.
6. If I stand far away and squint really hard, I look almost as cute as Lisa Donovan.
7. I think I should have gotten the pink ones.