(lame lame lame ... come on, you can do better than this!)
My post about Seriously Terrible Halloween Costumes has been a tremendous hit! According to StatCounter, where I spend entirely too much time, it outranks my other pages by at least 4 to 1. In fact, I think it may be turned into a movie very soon, starring either Meryl Streep, Meg Ryan, or maybe Paris Hilton if I get some extensive plastic surgery.
Anyway. In order to capitalize further on this smashing success, I've come up with a few more Halloween costume ideas:
Northwest Airline Pilot:
Wear a pilot uniform. Walk 150 miles, then call home and try to explain to your wife why it's going to be a really rotten Christmas this year.
Hide in a box. Sooner or later somebody will go looking for you. If they start asking questions, throw up. (Hint: don't hide too long. You might miss Halloween and your brother will eat all the candy. Plus your Dad might not let you be on The Show when he gets out of jail.)
The Stock Market:
Wear red sweat pants and a black sweatshirt. Stretch way up on your tippy-toes when Goldman Sachs makes money. Collapse onto the floor the rest of the time.
Borrow ALL of your neighbor's children. Put them in a room. Now go out trick-or-treating. Have fun! You deserve a break! Bring the paparrazi along too! If you're lucky maybe you will run into Jon Gosselin! You guys would have, like, the CUTEST kids together!