Thursday, March 24, 2011

Skin Care After 50


(if your skin does this, it's time to worry)


Today I'm beginning a new series on Life After 50. Not that I will admit to being After 50, myself. It means absolutely nothing that I have socks older than all of my co-workers. They are all just children. Barely old enough to drive. Babies, really.

Anyway.

You will know that you're After 50 like me when you rub a little moisturizer under your eye, and the skin stays skewed off to the side until you rub it back in place.

Then you'll notice little blotchy spots on your face that some people might call age spots except that would be terribly depressing so you back away from the magnifying mirror and pretend you never saw them.

Next, you'll start paying very close attention to commercials for extremely expensive eye creams that promise to make your skin as clear and smooth as the 20-year-old model in the commercial who probably has that weird sun allergy because there is no other explanation for her perfectly white, smooth skin. Unless that eye cream really really works.

Finally, you will decide that it's silly to buy expensive creams when you can simply fill in the wrinkles with extra foundation! What a great idea! And then cover it all with powder! That looks really really great!

Remember, girls: Don't pay $100 for eye cream unless it comes with shoes and a handbag.

Don't let younger co-workers intimidate you, just because they use code words like Hulu, Netflix and Streaming Bluetooth 3G Android Video, making you wonder if they are secretly recording your thoughts through your computer monitor.

And don't stand too close to a magnifying mirror.

~~~



4 comments:

Debbie said...

I'm an "after 50" and I definitely do not stand near magnifying glasses. I've found that my foundation and powder not only cover wrinkles but it tends to crack if you make any facial expressions. I still wear them because the alternative is far worse. I've also found that those expensive creams cause more wrinkles. ~~~~Ain't "after 50" grand?~~~~ :-)

Rae said...

Well there is one good thing to be said for being overweight or just plain F.A.T. It helps to fill in those After 50 wrinkles. You barely notice them when they are all plumped up, but then you end up with different problem - no matter how hard you try you can't back up far enough from the mirror to hide the fat issue. I know because I've witnessed it firsthand... After 50, FAT, and wrinkled.

Bruce Coltin said...

As for my wrinkles, I just tell people I spent years at sea, working for Greenpeace. It just doesn't explain my hair loss. Very funny post. Well, as you know, I'm an easy audience. But, just for you. For others, I'm tough. Very tough.

Lesley said...

Debbie: It's good to hear that those expensive creams are not so great. I just can't bring myself to pay $89 for half an ounce of anything.

Rae: Hmm ... fat or wrinkly ... our choices get more and more limited after 50, don't they? Let's all have a mirror-bashing day. I think we're all too hard on ourselves.

Bruce: Thanks for not being hard on me. Love your Greenpeace line. I might have to steal that one.

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